Thursday, December 22, 2005

The War(?) on Christmas

It's been floating around out there like a stinkbomb in my egg nog.

I'm talking about that bullsh*t "War on Christmas" that Fox News made up to distract from the fact that there's an actual, real, people-dying-for-a-lie war going on in the Middle East and Central Asia.

These are the kinds of things that make apoplectic apocalypsists like your truly just kvetch.

But it makes for some great reading! Like this website here, f*

Here's a sample:

"Oh man, f*ck Christmas.

Seriously – are you kidding me with this “There’s a war on Christmas” bullshit? FOX News wasn’t raking in enough cash already from all the Christmas commercials for Kill ‘em All Barbie and Girls Gone Wild Brand Toddler Gear? They had to start publishing books about some bogus attack on Christianity? And who did they pick to lead this particular charge?

John fucking Gibson. This guy has wiener written all over him.
Bill O’Reilly gets all the credit as the biggest nutcase in FOXville, but Gibson really deserves his own special wing in the happy house. This motherfucker’s embedded assignment reads “Up Karl Rove’s ass.”

What makes him such a dick? I mean, besides making a fortune by screaming hysterically about how
oppressed Christians are by the other twenty percent? How about advocating bombing countries that don’t vote the way we want in their own elections? Way to encourage democracy, fuckhead. And maybe he was kidding when he wished, on air, that the French had gotten the 2012 Olympics instead of the Brits so the terrorists would “blow up Paris,” but it might have been just a touch over the top to call for it again on the day of the London train bombings. Classy move, asshole. "

Almost better than the Charlie Brown Christmas special, here's a clip of John Gibson LOSING IT when challenged.

Enjoy his sputtering here via Crooks and Liars.

Makes you warm and fuzzy all over, doesn't it? Ah, John Gibson, you've made Christmas such a special time of the year... and when I say special, I mean special like the "special" bus... you moron...

Hey MediaMatters, break it down for us here:

FOX hypes stories to claim "Christmas Under Siege"

Fox? Fair and Balanced Fox? You gotta be kidding me!

I don't know who I feel worse for- the remedial viewers of Fox that buy this SuperheroJesus vision of the world, or ME- who has to live in the world these EndTimers are HELL BENT on creating?

(hell-bent. that's funny...)

I remember hearing this Christian radio play (which are GREAT by the way) on Christmas Eve one year. In it, the father character was explaining to his kid why THEY don't give presents or decorate or put up a tree or anything at Christmastime. It was because all the trappings of the season had NOTHING to do with the birth of their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and were in fact sinful. ("God gave you the only present you'll ever need, Timmy. His Only Son, and the gift of eternal life through Christ. You'll have all sorts of bikes once YOU'RE DEAD.")

I felt bad for the kid, because he wanted a friggin' bike- and instead he got a pile o' guilt to further fuel his INEVITABLE drug-and-crime riddled rebellion against his f-ed up killjoy of an old man- BUT I UNDERSTOOD THE POINT.

Man I miss that brand of Krazy Khristian.

Just like W. isn't really a conservative, he's something ELSE, I don't quite get the angle of the three UnWise Men Gibson, O'Reilly, and Hannity... they don't seem very religous (telling people to shut up and sexually harassing their employees and all that, oh, and the WARMONGERING)

Oh wait, yes I do understand their angle.


Happy Holidays Motherf*ckers! Jesus is watching you f*ck up his birthday!

PS- December 25th was a Mithraist holiday first, namely the dies natalis solis invicti (birthday of the invincible sun), a Roman holiday that couldn't be more pagan if Caligula himself showed up with a gaggle of nymphomaniacs, a tub of axle grease, and a portable vomitorium!

Defend that, Foxists!

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