Thursday, December 22, 2005

The War(?) on Christmas

It's been floating around out there like a stinkbomb in my egg nog.

I'm talking about that bullsh*t "War on Christmas" that Fox News made up to distract from the fact that there's an actual, real, people-dying-for-a-lie war going on in the Middle East and Central Asia.

These are the kinds of things that make apoplectic apocalypsists like your truly just kvetch.

But it makes for some great reading! Like this website here, f*

Here's a sample:

"Oh man, f*ck Christmas.

Seriously – are you kidding me with this “There’s a war on Christmas” bullshit? FOX News wasn’t raking in enough cash already from all the Christmas commercials for Kill ‘em All Barbie and Girls Gone Wild Brand Toddler Gear? They had to start publishing books about some bogus attack on Christianity? And who did they pick to lead this particular charge?

John fucking Gibson. This guy has wiener written all over him.
Bill O’Reilly gets all the credit as the biggest nutcase in FOXville, but Gibson really deserves his own special wing in the happy house. This motherfucker’s embedded assignment reads “Up Karl Rove’s ass.”

What makes him such a dick? I mean, besides making a fortune by screaming hysterically about how
oppressed Christians are by the other twenty percent? How about advocating bombing countries that don’t vote the way we want in their own elections? Way to encourage democracy, fuckhead. And maybe he was kidding when he wished, on air, that the French had gotten the 2012 Olympics instead of the Brits so the terrorists would “blow up Paris,” but it might have been just a touch over the top to call for it again on the day of the London train bombings. Classy move, asshole. "

Almost better than the Charlie Brown Christmas special, here's a clip of John Gibson LOSING IT when challenged.

Enjoy his sputtering here via Crooks and Liars.

Makes you warm and fuzzy all over, doesn't it? Ah, John Gibson, you've made Christmas such a special time of the year... and when I say special, I mean special like the "special" bus... you moron...

Hey MediaMatters, break it down for us here:

FOX hypes stories to claim "Christmas Under Siege"

Fox? Fair and Balanced Fox? You gotta be kidding me!

I don't know who I feel worse for- the remedial viewers of Fox that buy this SuperheroJesus vision of the world, or ME- who has to live in the world these EndTimers are HELL BENT on creating?

(hell-bent. that's funny...)

I remember hearing this Christian radio play (which are GREAT by the way) on Christmas Eve one year. In it, the father character was explaining to his kid why THEY don't give presents or decorate or put up a tree or anything at Christmastime. It was because all the trappings of the season had NOTHING to do with the birth of their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and were in fact sinful. ("God gave you the only present you'll ever need, Timmy. His Only Son, and the gift of eternal life through Christ. You'll have all sorts of bikes once YOU'RE DEAD.")

I felt bad for the kid, because he wanted a friggin' bike- and instead he got a pile o' guilt to further fuel his INEVITABLE drug-and-crime riddled rebellion against his f-ed up killjoy of an old man- BUT I UNDERSTOOD THE POINT.

Man I miss that brand of Krazy Khristian.

Just like W. isn't really a conservative, he's something ELSE, I don't quite get the angle of the three UnWise Men Gibson, O'Reilly, and Hannity... they don't seem very religous (telling people to shut up and sexually harassing their employees and all that, oh, and the WARMONGERING)

Oh wait, yes I do understand their angle.


Happy Holidays Motherf*ckers! Jesus is watching you f*ck up his birthday!

PS- December 25th was a Mithraist holiday first, namely the dies natalis solis invicti (birthday of the invincible sun), a Roman holiday that couldn't be more pagan if Caligula himself showed up with a gaggle of nymphomaniacs, a tub of axle grease, and a portable vomitorium!

Defend that, Foxists!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

this doesn't look good

What is about to happen here?

What is in Play-Doh, by the way, Wikipedia?

Friday, December 16, 2005

work work work

if you were me, and you were sitting at my desk at work, and you looked up, this is what you would see

if you were me and you were at work today, this is what you would be listening to:

Santastic! Holiday Boots 4 Your Stocking

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

coming down with something...

I'm getting this cold or whatever that everybody seems to be getting.

RP told me over the phone (she was calling in sick... see?) what her secret cold-cure recipe was:

1/2 cup lemon juice
2 tbsp vinegar
1 clove garlic
1 tsp ground ginger
dash of cayenne pepper

blend well, throw in the face of your pharmacist, grab all the cold medicine you can carry, run out of the store .

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Holidays Are Here (And We're Still At War)

Cassandra spent the weekend working on her Camp Casey Photoblog. Check it out!

We heard this song on KCRW this weekend- the artist is giving it away for free at this website here:

Brett Dennen's The Holiday's Are Here (And We're Still At War)

Jesus sheds another tear / Into a sea of two thousand years
Into the eve of a new year once more / Tears of joy and resolutions of sorrow
Toast to health and wealth tomorrow
The holidays are here and we’re still at war

Religious wars and domination / World trade and globalization
The prices of petroleum soar / Lonesome churches packed with sinners,
Non believers and new beginners
The holidays are here and we’re still at war

Say a prayer for the less fortunate / Prisoners, soldiers you’ve never met
Understand what it is they are fighting for / Say a prayer for your enemies
A prayer for the victims and their families
The holidays are here and we’re still at war

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Delaware Day 2005

A Dodging the Apocalypse Exclusive. Original artwork by the gifted Ratna Pappert. This handsome portrait of Ceasar Rodney was created in a modern American workplace on the back of a piece of recycled letterhead in a matter of minutes.

Notice the attention to detail- the silken scarf covering the patriot's unfortunate malady, the sugar cube cupped in the hand for the faithful equine companion, and in his other hand-the bottle of sour mash or cornpone ,or hopefully, and for his sake, the fine Irish good stuff from across the pond.

Even the driving rain reminds one of the man and his feat. Of the ride... the ride...

Did you know he was President of Delaware?

I think I'm going to start calling myself that.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's Delaware Day Eve!

Has it really been a year?

I am getting so excited- there is an electricity in the air, a longing for the Diamond State on this most special of nights. Here in Hollywood I pine for the rural simplicity of the lazy chemical plants of the DuPont Company, the marsh cows that moo at the interstate commerce hustling by on I-95 near the Christiana Mall, and the tax-free outlet shopping...

Tonight throughout the three counties, children will be "sleeping" with one eye open, hoping to gaze upon the cancerous visage of the patriot Caesar Rodney has he sneaks a handy copy of the Declaration of Independence under their pillow.

From the Bottle and Cork to the Rusty Rudder, from Lane Hall to the Field House, from Middletown to Hockessin, Carousel Riding Stables to the Heritage/Skyline Swim Club, all the children are singing songs of The First State tonight...

Remember, Caesar's horse likes sugar cubes and carrots, while Caesar likes Scotch Whiskey and any painkillers your parents might have in the medicine cabinet. Because he is an 18th Century man with face cancer.

Monday, December 05, 2005

on saturday i puppetooted

I wiggled rods on this thingy here on Saturday, working with Paul Zaloom...

Check out Dante's Inferno

It looks really cool, and the book it is based on was published by Chronicle Books, a place I worked way back in the nineties- back in the 20th century, when phones had cords and the President was a bright and curious fellow.

How was your weekend? (Sunday I didn't do much of nothin'- except go to the Griddle Cafe with my girlfriend, who also happens to be my wife- awwww)

Friday, December 02, 2005

The Prairie Chapel Road 12

Rebecca MacNeice's film of the action taken during Thanksgiving in Crawford, TX is now up at You can see what it was like to be there here:

The Prairie Chapel Road 12
A Film by Rebecca MacNeice

Quicktime: DSL / 56k
Windows Media: DSL / 56k
RealMedia: DSL / 56k

Thursday, December 01, 2005

dutchman and cassandra exposed in the MSM

cassandra and the dutchman are clearly visible in this AP photo of Cindy Sheehan's arrival at the Waco airport a week ago... blast! we've been exposed!